There is no denying that the world could use a helping hand these days. With a shrinking ozone layer, melting ice caps and overfishing, the outlook for the environment isn’t so great. And knowing that all the penguins are moving to Hollywood only serves to remind us of how we’ve done them wrong.

Environmentalists, because of our insight, general likeability and better than average good looks are often asked by the caring-but-clueless brigade, “What can I do to help?”

For decades we’ve encouraged recycling, local purchasing or the old standard: send a letter to your local member of parliament.

Now there’s another option.

Thanks to the California-based, non-profit organization Baring Witness (the same group that spells out words such as “Peace” with naked bodies and then sends photos of their artistry around the globe), we can tell all interested tree-huggers to go off and, well … get-off. That’s right. We can encourage them to have fantastic sex in the name of world peace. All they need to do is think happy thoughts during, and just after, they orgasm.

It’s all part of Baring Witness’ Global Orgasm project.

The concept is rooted in fundamental physics.

Just like the Big Bang Theory.

The folks in – where else? – California hope the Global Consciousness Project (managed by its pedigreed director, Roger Nelson of Princeton University) will be able to measure anomalies in the Earth’s global consciousness that are caused by the sudden flow of positive energy associated with a synchronized planetary orgasm.

The Global Consciousness Project is a co-operative venture that involves dozens of researchers around the world who operate Random Event Generators (REGs). It is based on the theory that intense emotional events cause REGs to become a little less random. Nelson believes he’s seen REGs respond to a number of global crises including Princess Di’s death and 9/11.

Essentially, REGs are computers that generate random numbers that are continuously sent over the internet to a dedicated server. Researchers analyze the distribution of deviations from the mean of the REGs output during critical events. Results suggest the world is a little less random when the same thing has an impact on all of us. Happy events like New Year’s Eve also produce changes.

Orgasms are about as intensely positive as we can get. As a result, Baring Witness reasoned what better way to test their theory than to see if the REGs could detect the energy emanating from a global orgasm. So they orchestrated one. The Global Orgasm project took place on December 22, 2006 – the longest night of the year in the Northern hemisphere.

Global Orgasm’s website has recorded over 1.6-million unique visitors. Some registered their intention to participate, which resulted in a bit of a competition as cities around the world vied for the greatest concentration of “activity.”

Preliminary results show that Madrid, Spain was the most loving, followed by Bangkok and then Paris. In North America, Los Angeles took home top honours, whereas in Canada, Montreal posted the nation’s most Global O visits, but it bettered stodgy old Toronto only by a fraction.

In the grand tradition of “been there, done that,” participants can purchase Global Orgasm T-shirts that read: “We Came In Peace.”

So, did this global effort to charge up the zero-point field that surrounds the universe work? Frankly, it’s unclear. Organizers admit they got a bit “overenthusiastic” about the event’s potential. Measurements show a “mild,” inconclusive trend. Furthermore, the Global Consciousness Project didn’t participate after all. But that doesn’t mean they won’t in the future. On their website, under Media Information, the good folks at the Global Consciousness Project include a special note that clarifies their involvement in the affair: They didn’t have any. But in the spirit of collaboration, they add: “It seems a clever and delightful way to promote peace however, and if it looks to be a truly global event, we will take a look.”

The countdown is on for December 22, 2007. We invite you to come.

Ryan D. Kennedy’s mother and mother-in-law subscribe to Alternatives Journal.

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